Okay fine.
I don't want to go anywhere.
With anyone.
I don't want to go to the zoo
or to watch New Moon
or to BBQs
or to buy a new bra
or to buy those second-hand books that are due on Friday
I don't even want to go to Desmond's house
because he doesn't want me anymore wtf
I want to hide under the blankets with Bob
and never see any of you again
11.16.2009
GIH REWOTHA HTAT HIEWHT OAHT EWHTO HTHT OIHT OIEWHTEWHTIHE OITHE IHIHT IRHTOIEHTOIEHTOIEWHTOIHEWTOIE HHEOI RHOIEWHT IREHTOIREW HITEAH TOIAHT OIHRETHEI
11.15.2009
Sims3.
Yesterday I didn't do anything lah. I keep saying I want to clean my room but I can't be bothered. Maybe we can have Clean-Up-Tienyi's-House Day!
Project 365- Day 272, 14/11/2009
Oh crap every time I look at my room I want to cry. This is past messy-it is just pure disgusting. My room has gone so far to the Dark Side that it is now impossible to salvage =(
And yes, that is my lunchbox from TWO WEEKS AGO lying in the corner.
~~~
Today is going to be my first piano lesson in approximately three weeks and I have missed it so much it's unbelievable. Now that I have the time, I will actually practice! AND I will do my Opus 13 Pathetique even if I die in the attempt. This is the second movement, which is supposed to be the most famous part of the sonata, although I personally like the first movement too.
*ambitious
Today Mom made a chocolate cake!
Project 365- Day 273, 15/11/2009
It's not bad okay! Dear Mom is slowly improving. <3>
~~~
hahahahah I'm quite amused. Anyone who reads www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com often enough should realize that ''cheap'', ''slut'' and ''whore'' are taboo words by now.
Project 365- Day 272, 14/11/2009
Oh crap every time I look at my room I want to cry. This is past messy-it is just pure disgusting. My room has gone so far to the Dark Side that it is now impossible to salvage =(And yes, that is my lunchbox from TWO WEEKS AGO lying in the corner.
~~~
Today is going to be my first piano lesson in approximately three weeks and I have missed it so much it's unbelievable. Now that I have the time, I will actually practice! AND I will do my Opus 13 Pathetique even if I die in the attempt. This is the second movement, which is supposed to be the most famous part of the sonata, although I personally like the first movement too.
*ambitious
Today Mom made a chocolate cake!
Project 365- Day 273, 15/11/2009
It's not bad okay! Dear Mom is slowly improving. <3>~~~
hahahahah I'm quite amused. Anyone who reads www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com often enough should realize that ''cheap'', ''slut'' and ''whore'' are taboo words by now.
11.14.2009
4.48pm, November 14, 2009.
Happy birthday Suzanne!
I spent today in a sort of semi-conscious sleep, still tired from everything.
So today there will be no pictures- I don't think me sleeping is very attractive. (:
~~
All this time, I think I've put you on a pedestal. I've worshipped you like little girls worship their big brothers (perhaps that is the most apt description of us possible), quoted you like I quote Jodi Picoult, dropped your name into every conversation like I talk about Leonardo Dicaprio.
So you have become this mix of familiarity and mystery- I think, in your absence, I have somehow.....glorified....your memory, filled in the blanks with my own imagination.
Today, I thought of him, and I realized I love him so much more than you. For all his imperfections, and all your perfections.
~~~
我想說 沒有你的聲音
像沒有歌詞的旋律
就算可以 很美很好聽
也少了意義上的確定
(:
I spent today in a sort of semi-conscious sleep, still tired from everything.
So today there will be no pictures- I don't think me sleeping is very attractive. (:
~~
All this time, I think I've put you on a pedestal. I've worshipped you like little girls worship their big brothers (perhaps that is the most apt description of us possible), quoted you like I quote Jodi Picoult, dropped your name into every conversation like I talk about Leonardo Dicaprio.
So you have become this mix of familiarity and mystery- I think, in your absence, I have somehow.....glorified....your memory, filled in the blanks with my own imagination.
Today, I thought of him, and I realized I love him so much more than you. For all his imperfections, and all your perfections.
~~~
我想說 沒有你的聲音
像沒有歌詞的旋律
就算可以 很美很好聽
也少了意義上的確定
(:
11.13.2009
Overdue goodbye.
Sorry, guys. This was supposed to be yesterday's post, but I was so exhausted yesterday I really couldn't face blogging.
Yesterday, at exactly 2 pm, I said goodbye to many, many things that I hadn't known I would miss.
Goodbye, Eduard Keller, Shu Wen, and John Book.
Goodbye, galvanic cells.
Incidentally, the Mg/Mg2+ half cell, as the stronger reductant, would be the anode in this particular cell.
Goodbye, calculus and trigonometry......and balls.
Goodbye, Louis XVI.
Technically, he died in January 1793, but, you know, it's always good to say goodbye again.
Goodbye, Brands Chicken Essence That Mom Made Me Drink Every Night Before An Exam.
Project 365- Day 269, 11/11/2009
The night before the Chem/History exam was the worst night. I sat up doing paper after paper, cramming date after date, and the next morning I woke up at 6am and did another practice paper. I deserve a little dead chicken wtf.
Yesterday night, I stayed up until 2 am, sorting, filing, cleaning, and throwing away all this:
And now, I have finally achieved one of my dearest ambitions in life.
Project 365- Day 270, 12/11/2009
Let me take you closer.
The white ones are VCE revision, the multicoloured ones are school folders.
Below that:
From left: Year 10, Year 11, Year 12.
Today, I watched 2012 (:
Project 365- Day 271, 13/11/2009
I thought it was a very inspirational movie! I expected this horrific end-of-the-world movie with everybody dying in a huge supernova explosion or something, but it wasn't like that at all. I won't tell you guys the ending, but suffice to say that disaster brings out the worst in us, and the best in us.
The movie was incredibly long though. (It's exactly 2 hours and 38 minutes, I checked on Wikipedia.)
It is a great blessing to have your camera with you, and I'll leave you all with this very pretty picture of the train arriving to take me home, caught in a moment of blazing evening sun. >
~~~
[This afternote is for girls only.]
Today while I was getting ready to go out I discovered my, uh, chest had suddenly shrunk! I didn't know that was even possible- do you guys know if, you know, boobs can shrink? I googled it and all the search engine would give me was porn websites =(
Um, I need a bra-shopping companion......*quiet
Yesterday, at exactly 2 pm, I said goodbye to many, many things that I hadn't known I would miss.
Goodbye, Eduard Keller, Shu Wen, and John Book.
Goodbye, galvanic cells.
Incidentally, the Mg/Mg2+ half cell, as the stronger reductant, would be the anode in this particular cell.Goodbye, calculus and trigonometry......and balls.
Goodbye, Louis XVI.
Technically, he died in January 1793, but, you know, it's always good to say goodbye again.Goodbye, Brands Chicken Essence That Mom Made Me Drink Every Night Before An Exam.
Project 365- Day 269, 11/11/2009
The night before the Chem/History exam was the worst night. I sat up doing paper after paper, cramming date after date, and the next morning I woke up at 6am and did another practice paper. I deserve a little dead chicken wtf.Yesterday night, I stayed up until 2 am, sorting, filing, cleaning, and throwing away all this:
And now, I have finally achieved one of my dearest ambitions in life.
Project 365- Day 270, 12/11/2009
Let me take you closer.
The white ones are VCE revision, the multicoloured ones are school folders.Below that:
From left: Year 10, Year 11, Year 12.Today, I watched 2012 (:
Project 365- Day 271, 13/11/2009
I thought it was a very inspirational movie! I expected this horrific end-of-the-world movie with everybody dying in a huge supernova explosion or something, but it wasn't like that at all. I won't tell you guys the ending, but suffice to say that disaster brings out the worst in us, and the best in us.
The movie was incredibly long though. (It's exactly 2 hours and 38 minutes, I checked on Wikipedia.)
It is a great blessing to have your camera with you, and I'll leave you all with this very pretty picture of the train arriving to take me home, caught in a moment of blazing evening sun. >
~~~
[This afternote is for girls only.]
Today while I was getting ready to go out I discovered my, uh, chest had suddenly shrunk! I didn't know that was even possible- do you guys know if, you know, boobs can shrink? I googled it and all the search engine would give me was porn websites =(
Um, I need a bra-shopping companion......*quiet
11.11.2009
You are going to make it.
You are going to make it.
You are not going to fail.
Tomorrow, you will walk into the exam, confident, ready, full to brim with dates and facts and figures and formulas.
You are going to know all your historians.
You will remember to write ''M'' when you calculate equilibrium constants.
You are going to know that the Shanghai Massacre was in April 1927 and it fractured the First United Front. You are going to know that the formula of oleum is H2S2O7, and that the process in which it is mixed with hydrosulfuric acid takes place in the absorption tower.
This time tomorrow, I promise you. You can sleep all you want. It's just 16 more hours. You've come so far, don't give up now.
You are not going to fail.
Tomorrow, you will walk into the exam, confident, ready, full to brim with dates and facts and figures and formulas.
You are going to know all your historians.
You will remember to write ''M'' when you calculate equilibrium constants.
You are going to know that the Shanghai Massacre was in April 1927 and it fractured the First United Front. You are going to know that the formula of oleum is H2S2O7, and that the process in which it is mixed with hydrosulfuric acid takes place in the absorption tower.
This time tomorrow, I promise you. You can sleep all you want. It's just 16 more hours. You've come so far, don't give up now.
11.10.2009
The missing piece of a puzzle.
Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.
-Antoine de Saint-Expury
Have I ever told you guys? I don't like long goodbyes.
No, that is inaccurate. I love long goodbyes because they make me feel like people don't want to leave me, that they like me enough to want me to stay. But I'm scared of them-scared of appearing clingy, needy, scared of becoming a burden. I'm always afraid that you guys have something more important to do, like kissing your boyfriend or doing homework that's due tomorrow or going to save the world, and you don't want me tagging along.
So I often give a crisp nod, or carelessly toss a ''bye'' over my shoulder.
I don't like public displays of affection either. It is true that I have twenty million ''baby''s and I say ''I love you'' every two seconds and Bob and I's love life is public knowledge,
(Um, I know lah www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com is G-rated, but I really couldn't resist! This picture, is, uh, open to interpretation.)
but I rarely initiate hugs. I have never hugged Lynn before. In fact, I only took two pictures alone with her this year, and this is one of them.
(because she doesn't initiate hugs either, so both of us just awkwardly stand there and stare at each other WTF)
I don't know. I'm completely comfortable talking about my feelings online. Or on paper. But.....face to face, I just can't.
So the next time I grunt a reply and then quickly walk off, it's not because I wanted you to go away. Quite the opposite: I wanted you to stay, but I love you too much to try and make you my own.
~~~
Today, I found the missing piece to my puzzle (:
Project 365- Day 268, 10/11/2009
-Antoine de Saint-Expury
Have I ever told you guys? I don't like long goodbyes.
No, that is inaccurate. I love long goodbyes because they make me feel like people don't want to leave me, that they like me enough to want me to stay. But I'm scared of them-scared of appearing clingy, needy, scared of becoming a burden. I'm always afraid that you guys have something more important to do, like kissing your boyfriend or doing homework that's due tomorrow or going to save the world, and you don't want me tagging along.So I often give a crisp nod, or carelessly toss a ''bye'' over my shoulder.
I don't like public displays of affection either. It is true that I have twenty million ''baby''s and I say ''I love you'' every two seconds and Bob and I's love life is public knowledge,
(Um, I know lah www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com is G-rated, but I really couldn't resist! This picture, is, uh, open to interpretation.)but I rarely initiate hugs. I have never hugged Lynn before. In fact, I only took two pictures alone with her this year, and this is one of them.
(because she doesn't initiate hugs either, so both of us just awkwardly stand there and stare at each other WTF)I don't know. I'm completely comfortable talking about my feelings online. Or on paper. But.....face to face, I just can't.
So the next time I grunt a reply and then quickly walk off, it's not because I wanted you to go away. Quite the opposite: I wanted you to stay, but I love you too much to try and make you my own.
~~~
Today, I found the missing piece to my puzzle (:
Project 365- Day 268, 10/11/2009
Dream.
It was mentoring with Desmond.
Lynn and Sheryl came along.
Desmond didn't want to mentor me anymore, he wanted to eat fish and chips. His chips were in sweet chili sauce- I never knew he liked sweet chili. He drank beer. He told me the beer was called Guang Liang (which is a singer's name, I don't know, but it made sense at that time.) I knew it was a Chinese Detailed Study thing.
Desmond wanted to go to the city. He went on the train.
I wanted to go too, but I had to stay with Lynn and Sheryl.
It was somehow necessary to say goodbye. I persuaded them to let me say goodbye.
I ran on the train and he sat in a corner. In the split second I had, I said goodbye. He didn't understand what I was saying, but he nodded and smiled like he understood.
I run through the doors, jump out to Lynn and Sheryl just as the train starts moving.
Lynn and Sheryl came along.
Desmond didn't want to mentor me anymore, he wanted to eat fish and chips. His chips were in sweet chili sauce- I never knew he liked sweet chili. He drank beer. He told me the beer was called Guang Liang (which is a singer's name, I don't know, but it made sense at that time.) I knew it was a Chinese Detailed Study thing.
Desmond wanted to go to the city. He went on the train.
I wanted to go too, but I had to stay with Lynn and Sheryl.
It was somehow necessary to say goodbye. I persuaded them to let me say goodbye.
I ran on the train and he sat in a corner. In the split second I had, I said goodbye. He didn't understand what I was saying, but he nodded and smiled like he understood.
I run through the doors, jump out to Lynn and Sheryl just as the train starts moving.
11.09.2009
Last.
Today, after mentoring with May and Desmond, we went to eat Japanese food to celebrate my last ever mentoring session in my entire life. (Although I don't think May realized the significance of the occasion.)
*I'm waiting for May to bluetooth her picture to Desmond, and for Desmond to MSN the picture to me.
~~~
At night, when you look up at the sky,
since I shall be living on a star,
and since I shall be laughing on a star,
for you it will be as if all the stars are laughing.
You alone will have stars that can laugh!
The Little Prince
Today Desmond gave me this:
Project 365- Day 267, 9/11/2009
It's a little boy I gave him some time ago, except he now looks much prettier.
Ever since I was a little kid, colouring in colouring books, I have always had the compulsion to make things pretty. I always coloured in the line, and the colours I used were always orthodox: blue for the sky, white for the clouds, orange for the faces (because I didn't have peach).
Sometimes, in the process of making things prettier, we also rob them of their meaning.
Other times, we give them more meaning.
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. So is beauty.
So this means that you can sometimes think some things are beautiful, but sometimes think they are ugly too. Given that you think they are beautiful, they can sometimes mean nothing, or they can mean everything.
I don't know why you're still reading.
*I'm waiting for May to bluetooth her picture to Desmond, and for Desmond to MSN the picture to me.
~~~
At night, when you look up at the sky,
since I shall be living on a star,
and since I shall be laughing on a star,
for you it will be as if all the stars are laughing.
You alone will have stars that can laugh!
The Little Prince
Today Desmond gave me this:
Project 365- Day 267, 9/11/2009
It's a little boy I gave him some time ago, except he now looks much prettier.Ever since I was a little kid, colouring in colouring books, I have always had the compulsion to make things pretty. I always coloured in the line, and the colours I used were always orthodox: blue for the sky, white for the clouds, orange for the faces (because I didn't have peach).
Sometimes, in the process of making things prettier, we also rob them of their meaning.
Other times, we give them more meaning.
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. So is beauty.
So this means that you can sometimes think some things are beautiful, but sometimes think they are ugly too. Given that you think they are beautiful, they can sometimes mean nothing, or they can mean everything.
I don't know why you're still reading.
11.08.2009
Hot.
I am so hot!
I AM REALLY VERY HOT OK. I have melted into a pool of melty goop. Like this.
I can't do any Methods Trial Exams. I don't know whether it's because I'm so hot, or because I'm just stupid. Either way I am going to fail my Methods exam and I won't get to become a lawyer or a teacher because lawyers and teachers need good, raw, working brains and mine are fried wtf.
I am very happy today because I have discovered the joys of manual double-sided printing! (:
Project 365- Day 266, 8/11/2009
Oh, remember my cartoon yesterday about Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare?
I gleefully told Desmond today he has to love me more than I love him because he has longer arms, and Desmond said that's not true because he will refuse to open his arms.
*heartbroken
Okay goodbye everybody time to try ZH's Neap book instead of Itute.
I AM REALLY VERY HOT OK. I have melted into a pool of melty goop. Like this.
I can't do any Methods Trial Exams. I don't know whether it's because I'm so hot, or because I'm just stupid. Either way I am going to fail my Methods exam and I won't get to become a lawyer or a teacher because lawyers and teachers need good, raw, working brains and mine are fried wtf.
I am very happy today because I have discovered the joys of manual double-sided printing! (:
Project 365- Day 266, 8/11/2009
Oh, remember my cartoon yesterday about Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare?
I gleefully told Desmond today he has to love me more than I love him because he has longer arms, and Desmond said that's not true because he will refuse to open his arms.*heartbroken
Okay goodbye everybody time to try ZH's Neap book instead of Itute.
11.07.2009
The best feeling in the world.
There is luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us the absolution.
--Oscar Wilde
Is knowing you have tried, and there was nothing else you could have done.
Is knowing you could have changed the outcome, but didn't.
Is knowing that one misstep cost you everything.
Is knowing what could have been, without making it be.
~~~
Today Wyekeat showed me yet another inspiring website.
Project 365- Day 265, 7/11/2009
I think that's a really good message. Sometimes, we always wonder what could have been if we had done more. If we had met at a different time. If we had gone on instead of gone apart. But there aren't any ''what could have beens''. There is just: today, now, here.
This is for Irene, because of a heated debate about Harry Potter and Twilight that we once had:
Sorry lah Edward-fans.
And this goes for every single one of you.
Oh, yeah.
A few days ago, my ambition in life was to have a blue rose, because Lynn told me that it is impossible to plant a blue rose.
I wouldn't even mind if my blue rose was only blue because you put food dye on it! I'd be happy anyway. (:
But after seeing this, I have decided that I have found my life's purpose. I don't want to be a lawyer, or a teacher, or anything else. I just want to live in a house with a kitchen like this.
And......I think I'll dedicate this to Tzuhui and Desmond. Tzuhui because I think she'll like this, and Desmond because he has the longest arms of anyone I know.
My own arms are not very big, but....I love you all very much. All of you. Thanks for reading www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com (:
--Oscar Wilde
Is knowing you have tried, and there was nothing else you could have done.
Is knowing you could have changed the outcome, but didn't.
Is knowing that one misstep cost you everything.
Is knowing what could have been, without making it be.
~~~
Today Wyekeat showed me yet another inspiring website.
Project 365- Day 265, 7/11/2009
I think that's a really good message. Sometimes, we always wonder what could have been if we had done more. If we had met at a different time. If we had gone on instead of gone apart. But there aren't any ''what could have beens''. There is just: today, now, here.This is for Irene, because of a heated debate about Harry Potter and Twilight that we once had:
Sorry lah Edward-fans.And this goes for every single one of you.
Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
- Atticus Finch
We aren't all talented or smart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am about to fail VCE, and, maybe, so are you. But to go into an exam hall and try, even if your best isn't good enough, is already incredible, incredible courage.
- Atticus Finch
We aren't all talented or smart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am about to fail VCE, and, maybe, so are you. But to go into an exam hall and try, even if your best isn't good enough, is already incredible, incredible courage.
Oh, yeah.
A few days ago, my ambition in life was to have a blue rose, because Lynn told me that it is impossible to plant a blue rose.
I wouldn't even mind if my blue rose was only blue because you put food dye on it! I'd be happy anyway. (:But after seeing this, I have decided that I have found my life's purpose. I don't want to be a lawyer, or a teacher, or anything else. I just want to live in a house with a kitchen like this.
And......I think I'll dedicate this to Tzuhui and Desmond. Tzuhui because I think she'll like this, and Desmond because he has the longest arms of anyone I know.
My own arms are not very big, but....I love you all very much. All of you. Thanks for reading www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com (:
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